Loud externally, loud internally.

I haven’t allowed myself to stop, to just think.

And breathe.

There are always things to do, or people around, distractions from the whisper inside that was getting louder and louder, calling out:

Just stop!

This morning, for whatever reason, I decided to take ten minutes outside to drink my coffee. Rather than pairing my coffee with typing, or working, or talking, I took myself outside and sat in the early morning air.

I didn’t always love mornings. I used to consider myself a night owl, but a few years ago, my friend encouraged me to get up early with her and work out. It was then that I realized how life-infusing the mornings are. There’s something about the air, and the quiet, and the fact that everyone else is still sleeping.

So, although I wake up each day at 6:15, today I chose to take ten minutes of my usually tightly scheduled morning to sit outside.

And I began to breathe.

And my soul used the first oxygen it’s seen in weeks to release a slew of feelings, rising to the surface.

Sometimes, it feels like life is happening to me. Sometimes it’s so busy, you just have to let it happen to you. There isn’t time to grab on to each horn, to fully envelop yourself in every experience, happy or sad.

Summer is often this way.

The sunny days blend together in one constant chaos of laughter, exhaustion, swimming, working hard, and sweating it all out.

This morning, when I took that deep breath, I felt it all slow down a little.

It was a breezy 68 degrees, a reminder of early fall, the world was open and clean, and it felt good.

And at that moment, I remembered something I haven’t given much thought to recently.

This world is inherently good.

Its goodness gets blurred through our tears, covered in the dirt we rub off of our shoes and drifts away as we fall asleep after another long day.

But, that goodness is there.

And it’s most easy to find in that early glow of a summer morning before the sun beats down on my neck, and the noise levels reach a crescendo again, inside, and out.

And today, I held those ten minutes dear, as I absorbed their emptiness, and in that sense, their absolute preciousness.

And I sipped my coffee. And I texted my friend:

“Thank you for teaching me about mornings.”

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Photo by Wojciech Święch on Unsplash