Learning To Be

I took a writing class recently. 

It had been many, many months, or maybe years, since I had really pushed myself in my writing. Tried something new. Opened myself up to criticism. 

It was good. It was scary, and good. I was in a class where most of my classmates were about 20-30 years my senior, and then some. I signed into those zoom meetings, and looked at the faces of 60 year olds, 70 year olds, who had lived a life of adventure, and Hollywood, and experience. One of the writers wrote about her childhood escape from Castro’s Cuba. More than once I wondered: what am I doing here? I’m 23. I’ve experienced nearly nothing. 

But each time I read my writing to the class, I was surprised to learn that they were fascinated by what I thought of as my boring life. I love my life, and I feel privileged to have so much blessing, but a blessing-filled life doesn’t make for much of a story.

But I learned that for every doubt I felt in my writing, my audience heard truth. 

I haven’t put up a blog post in a long time.

In the time between then and now, I completed my bachelors. I took this writing class. I went through myriads of emotions as I returned to NY after living in my parents home for 7 months. I tentatively emerged from a safe cocoon.

I know so many people have watched their life fall apart in this last year. For so many, the world has become unrecognizable. A living nightmare.

For me, my life only took focus. I learned more about myself and my relationships. I matured, and grew.

How could one worldwide calamity be so brutal for some and so nurturing for others?

I’m an analyzer, and a thinker, and I like to understand things.

My father recently laughed as I realized just how many things are beyond my comprehension.

There is so much I don’t know. Will never know. Can’t ever know.

But I learned something in my writing class, and it was to stop trying so hard. To stop trying to be inspiring, to stop trying to be smart, to stop trying to get everything under control.

To just be.

And that is when people will hear your heart beating the loudest. That is when people will see you in all of your truth.

So, I’m back.

I’m leaning in. I’m learning to be boring.

I’m learning to just be.

_

Etti Krinsky

Featured Photo by Illiya Vjestica on Unsplash

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s