Stuck In A Box

I am busy. Like actually busy. It’s rare for me to actually not have time for something like a blog post, but yesterday was one of those days. Today was our very first day of day camp, and I am head counselor.

To say I was nervous is to put it mildly. I was very nervous.

In my mind, head counselors are everything I’m not.

Loud, crazy, not at all self-conscious, spontaneous..

None of those words describe me in any way. None. I’m not loud, my voice doesn’t even go higher than a certain decibel. Crazy? Maybe in my room. It doesn’t take much to make me self conscious, and spontaneous?This girl has around 15 lists on her phone at the moment.

So no, not your typical description of a head counselor.

But it was the job given to me and I didn’t really think much of how I would deal with it in real time until yesterday. Yesterday I realized it was happening, and I freaked out a bit.

This morning I woke up early.

I prayed my morning prayers, and I prayed hard. I prayed that G-d help me find whatever HC material there is in me. Maybe turn me into a different person in time for camp to start?

Camp began, and G-d had answered my prayers. Somewhere inside of me, I found a head counselor. I sang, I yelled, I organized and I made quick decisions.

When I had a moment to breath I thought about it.

Where had it come from? How was I able to face a bunch of kids and a few lingering parents and sing on the top of my lungs?

That’s so not me!

I marveled at G-ds abilities.

But then I realized, G-d didn’t change me.

He uncovered a layer.

He pulled off my own set limitations and let me go.

Everything I did today I had in me. G-d answered my prayers and stripped me of my inhibitions, removed the boundaries I had set for myself.

I can sing and be loud and crazy. But I put myself into a box that was too small for all those things. All I kept were the words that people typically describe me as. I kept those words and lived by them. I made choices because of them. I believed I was only capable of what people assumed.

G-d showed me today how foolish that is. He showed me I should never fear a new situation, somewhere I would have to act differently than usual; I have it all in me, I’m the one who makes it harder.

Today I learnt a life lesson. And it was only the first day. Imagine the lessons I’ll learn all summer long.

Ps. Throughout camp, I can’t promise a post every Monday and Thursday. I’ll try my best, but it’s going to be tough. Thanks for reading!! Comment below!

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